Dear Steve,
We promised you we'd put up a photo for you today because we know how much you miss us while you are at work. We miss you too.
Here ya go daddy!
Love,
Wifey and Your Boy
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I See Me!
Dear Steve,
We promised you we'd put up a photo for you today because we know how much you miss us while you are at work. We miss you too.
Here ya go daddy!
Love,
Wifey and Your Boy
Monday, March 30, 2009
AM Showers
Dear Henry,
Today mama and papa were honored to attend your first shower.
Daddy's co-workers were so excited about your arrival they quickly got together
a shower to welcome you into the world. They cooked up a grand breakfast with some awesome eggs, bacon, pancakes (blueberry even, daddy's favorite), fruit, donuts, and sausage.
Then they bought you a whole heap of gifts. Anne even hand made you a beautiful snuggly blanket! That means she must think you're pretty special.
You really love your soft lamb seat. When I put you into it today you sunk into its marshmallow pillows and you sighed and smile the second real smile I've seen you make. You received many wonderful books, handsome outfits, blankets, diapers, a mirror so I can see you in the car, a couple of first toys for the bathtub, a vaporizer to keep your nose clear, a fluffy frog towel and lots of other great things!
It is assuredly really nice to know that even if daddy can't be home with us during the day and he has to be at work helping people that he works with such warm,
nice and thoughtful people.
We felt so happy and proud to have our boy, YOU!, honored in this way.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
Today mama and papa were honored to attend your first shower.
Daddy's co-workers were so excited about your arrival they quickly got together
a shower to welcome you into the world. They cooked up a grand breakfast with some awesome eggs, bacon, pancakes (blueberry even, daddy's favorite), fruit, donuts, and sausage.
Then they bought you a whole heap of gifts. Anne even hand made you a beautiful snuggly blanket! That means she must think you're pretty special.
You really love your soft lamb seat. When I put you into it today you sunk into its marshmallow pillows and you sighed and smile the second real smile I've seen you make. You received many wonderful books, handsome outfits, blankets, diapers, a mirror so I can see you in the car, a couple of first toys for the bathtub, a vaporizer to keep your nose clear, a fluffy frog towel and lots of other great things!
It is assuredly really nice to know that even if daddy can't be home with us during the day and he has to be at work helping people that he works with such warm,
nice and thoughtful people.
We felt so happy and proud to have our boy, YOU!, honored in this way.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
The Force is strong in this one...
Dear Henry,
Since you're only 3 weeks old (Happy 3 week birthday, buddy!) I haven't had a chance to share my favorite movie of all time with you: Star Wars. Don't worry though, we'll watch it together soon and I'll explain to you all the stuff you need to know - and I'll make sure to show you the movies in the order that Mommy and Daddy saw them: Episodes 4, 5, 6, then Episodes 1, 2, and 3.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because today I was chatting with my friend Tim, who is a really awesome comic book artist, and I casually mentioned how I'd love to see a sketch of you wrasslin' some Bounty Hunters. About 15 minutes later, Tim sends me this...
It won't make much sense to you now, but when you're 7 or 8 I bet you'll think it's pretty cool. I hope I'll be as good of a teacher to you as this little green guy was, and if I live to be 900 years old like him I hope you don't put me in a Nursing Home on Dagobah.
Love you I do!!
Love, Daddy.
Since you're only 3 weeks old (Happy 3 week birthday, buddy!) I haven't had a chance to share my favorite movie of all time with you: Star Wars. Don't worry though, we'll watch it together soon and I'll explain to you all the stuff you need to know - and I'll make sure to show you the movies in the order that Mommy and Daddy saw them: Episodes 4, 5, 6, then Episodes 1, 2, and 3.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because today I was chatting with my friend Tim, who is a really awesome comic book artist, and I casually mentioned how I'd love to see a sketch of you wrasslin' some Bounty Hunters. About 15 minutes later, Tim sends me this...
It won't make much sense to you now, but when you're 7 or 8 I bet you'll think it's pretty cool. I hope I'll be as good of a teacher to you as this little green guy was, and if I live to be 900 years old like him I hope you don't put me in a Nursing Home on Dagobah.
Love you I do!!
Love, Daddy.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Becoming Big Gorilla
Dear Baby Boy,
Today daddy and I were struck with the realization that you will not always be our little puppy sitting in our arms. When you were born and just weighed in at 6lbs 2oz the clothes that fit you were for little bitty early babies. Today when Grandpa Tim tried to snap your onesie it wouldn't stretch to make it to your crotch. Mommy cried out, "WHAT!" And then your little pants came up to your knees! "WHAT!" These early moments we waited so long for are now fleeting and you grow because we feed you and now lion, fish, ribbit ribbit, and your little pants are all things in your past. Yep, you now have a past. Daddy and I sat with each other and we both got a little soft for a minute. We're excited about what's to come but remember you don't have to rush things.
Love, Mommy
Today daddy and I were struck with the realization that you will not always be our little puppy sitting in our arms. When you were born and just weighed in at 6lbs 2oz the clothes that fit you were for little bitty early babies. Today when Grandpa Tim tried to snap your onesie it wouldn't stretch to make it to your crotch. Mommy cried out, "WHAT!" And then your little pants came up to your knees! "WHAT!" These early moments we waited so long for are now fleeting and you grow because we feed you and now lion, fish, ribbit ribbit, and your little pants are all things in your past. Yep, you now have a past. Daddy and I sat with each other and we both got a little soft for a minute. We're excited about what's to come but remember you don't have to rush things.
Love, MommyStory Time
Dear Henry,
Today Grandpa Tim and Ellen came to see you one last time before they head back to Florida. They both gave you a good cuddle and Grandpa Tim read you the book Little Gorilla. You were wide awake and seemed to enjoy the time together.
The next time they visit you will have grown bunches and have lots of new tricks to show off.
It is nice to see you get so much love as you are more than worthy of it.
Love,
Mommy
Today Grandpa Tim and Ellen came to see you one last time before they head back to Florida. They both gave you a good cuddle and Grandpa Tim read you the book Little Gorilla. You were wide awake and seemed to enjoy the time together.
The next time they visit you will have grown bunches and have lots of new tricks to show off.
It is nice to see you get so much love as you are more than worthy of it.
Love,
Mommy
Milk with that coffee?
Dear Henry,
Yesterday we had the joy of lyin' around and taking long, warm naps with you. At noon daddy went to get his hair cut and we went along. Everyone was really into you, once again! Big surprise! It was a bit of a dreary and cold day spittin' little specks of rain on your tiny face. We decided to visit your Auntie Kristin and Auntie Carrie at Soma,
the cool coffee shop on Kirkwood. Auntie Carrie ran around the counter to see you, leaving three or four customers standing in line while she got all googlie over you. When you're around people can't help themselves. You seemed to enjoy the sounds of the coffee shop milk steamer and fluffy whip cream shwooshing out of the can.
Daddy stood outside talking with Brad. Then Auntie Kristin joined us to take your CD's and books back to the library, not to worry, Rocket Boy is now in daddy's ITunes and ready to play at will. Auntie K scoured the CD
racks to find the right music for you. She found "Most Amazing Dinosaur Songs," which has a great alphabet song that you seemed to enjoy during your leg cycling today. She also made sure you had a Spanish CD. The other two CD's were a big miss with one exception, Steve Roslonek's, "The Pirate Song."
Then we dug into the cardboard books and found these books...
Little Gorilla is WONDERFUL!
I loved reading it to you before bed last night. Daddy laughed at the idea of "Bear About Town" and insisted that he be the one to read it to you. All of those little cardboard books make me weepy because they always have some sweet little theme to them about getting big, lovin' your guts out, or how grateful we are to have you. For mommy and daddy we can really relate to those sentiments so it is hard for us to make it through such things without a crack in the voice, a pause to recoup or a tissue at the end. Someday I'll tell you about your special book, "The Night You Were Born."
You were so awake yesterday evening we decided to go get some cookies at a warm, sweet smellin' place called Baked. They make cookies to order while you wait. Like has been your pattern you behaved like a gentleman while we scarfed down chocolate chip cookies with icing and oatmeal craisin walnut numbers with
bottomless mugs of fresh milk. You snuggled in next to me in the peanut shell sling purring like a cat.
Everyday with you ups the happiness meter. We are so lucky.
Love, Mommy
Yesterday we had the joy of lyin' around and taking long, warm naps with you. At noon daddy went to get his hair cut and we went along. Everyone was really into you, once again! Big surprise! It was a bit of a dreary and cold day spittin' little specks of rain on your tiny face. We decided to visit your Auntie Kristin and Auntie Carrie at Soma,
the cool coffee shop on Kirkwood. Auntie Carrie ran around the counter to see you, leaving three or four customers standing in line while she got all googlie over you. When you're around people can't help themselves. You seemed to enjoy the sounds of the coffee shop milk steamer and fluffy whip cream shwooshing out of the can.
Daddy stood outside talking with Brad. Then Auntie Kristin joined us to take your CD's and books back to the library, not to worry, Rocket Boy is now in daddy's ITunes and ready to play at will. Auntie K scoured the CD
racks to find the right music for you. She found "Most Amazing Dinosaur Songs," which has a great alphabet song that you seemed to enjoy during your leg cycling today. She also made sure you had a Spanish CD. The other two CD's were a big miss with one exception, Steve Roslonek's, "The Pirate Song."
Then we dug into the cardboard books and found these books...
Little Gorilla is WONDERFUL!I loved reading it to you before bed last night. Daddy laughed at the idea of "Bear About Town" and insisted that he be the one to read it to you. All of those little cardboard books make me weepy because they always have some sweet little theme to them about getting big, lovin' your guts out, or how grateful we are to have you. For mommy and daddy we can really relate to those sentiments so it is hard for us to make it through such things without a crack in the voice, a pause to recoup or a tissue at the end. Someday I'll tell you about your special book, "The Night You Were Born."
You were so awake yesterday evening we decided to go get some cookies at a warm, sweet smellin' place called Baked. They make cookies to order while you wait. Like has been your pattern you behaved like a gentleman while we scarfed down chocolate chip cookies with icing and oatmeal craisin walnut numbers with
bottomless mugs of fresh milk. You snuggled in next to me in the peanut shell sling purring like a cat.
Everyday with you ups the happiness meter. We are so lucky.
Love, Mommy
Friday, March 27, 2009
Splish Splash
Dear Henry,
I love bath time now because you seem to like it much better.
We put you in the basement sink in your little seat Grandma P bought you.
You get really calm and quiet with a far away look in your eyes when the warm water goes over your tummy. You haven't peed on me for a couple of days.
When it comes to washing your hair you love the little bristly thing I use to suds it up.
When I take the water off of your head you start squirmin' like a little squirm dog to get it back under the water.
After you bathe I bring you upstairs to give you a baby foot massage and rub lotion all over you. You like this but really love it when I get your clothes on. Then you melt into my arms and take a long nap.
I love you monkey.
I love bath time now because you seem to like it much better.
We put you in the basement sink in your little seat Grandma P bought you.
You get really calm and quiet with a far away look in your eyes when the warm water goes over your tummy. You haven't peed on me for a couple of days.
When it comes to washing your hair you love the little bristly thing I use to suds it up.
When I take the water off of your head you start squirmin' like a little squirm dog to get it back under the water.
After you bathe I bring you upstairs to give you a baby foot massage and rub lotion all over you. You like this but really love it when I get your clothes on. Then you melt into my arms and take a long nap.
I love you monkey.
Rocket Boy, an adventure at every turn
So, Henry asked me to make this post on his behalf. He has found his first favorite song!
After listening to his first set of CD's checked out from the library with his own very first library card he has decided that the album Rocket Boy, by Klaus Ebert is a great find! Because he is not quite verbal yet he had me take a photo of him during each of the songs to show you how he feels about them. The title song, Rocket Boy, had him squirming and throwing his arms around bright eyed and pumped up! Between you and me I think it is because he imagines himself as Rocket Boy. While he intuitively knows that he will someday walk, after listening to rocket boy he thinks he will someday also fly. Hey! Who knows? When he is thirty it will be 2039. Who can say the technology won't exist. For now we are letting him dream big.
"There goes Rocket Boy, blasting off into the sky
Rocket Boy, did you know that he could fly?"
Henry wanted you to be able to hear the song right now...
click here to hear it for free.
He did want you to know that Funky Monkey makes him uncomfortable because it reminds him of a rather nasty R Kelly song. He asked us to turn it off. You can see his distaste in this shot.
I'm sure he will have more reviews to come.
He thanks you for reading and taking interest in his very early days.
Henry, 2 weeks 5 days.
"There goes Rocket Boy, blasting off into the sky Rocket Boy, did you know that he could fly?"
Henry wanted you to be able to hear the song right now...
click here to hear it for free.
Henry's other top pick is Got to Keep on Dancing. It is upbeat and it usually gets us to jiggle him around.
He did want you to know that Funky Monkey makes him uncomfortable because it reminds him of a rather nasty R Kelly song. He asked us to turn it off. You can see his distaste in this shot.
I'm sure he will have more reviews to come.
He thanks you for reading and taking interest in his very early days.
Henry, 2 weeks 5 days.
Slam Dunk the Henderson Account or the Heads are Gonna Roll!; Henry's day at work.
Dear Hank,
Next, we went to Grandma LaJean's work. She was SO excited to show you around that you caused quite a disruption to the work day. People were coming from every direction to hear what all the fuss was about. When they saw you they knew right away it was because you are about the sweetest thing they have ever seen. I credited J's good looks and my sense of newborn style for your irresistible presence. They were blown over by your calm nature and I assured them that you are for real.
We then ran out to the outlet mall to shop for baby bargains. I didn't find much because not just any shirt will do for you. I did get you two button downs, just like daddy's, and two pair of pj's that have appliqued robots and Martians on them. It is too bad I'll have to wait almost a year to see you in them!
We left the outlet mall and rushed back to town because I can feel Great Grandma Hazel's anticipation of your arrival growing and I was right. She greeted us at the door and we sat on her couch where she held and fed you. I was on the phone with J letting her know, to her delight, how much lovin' you were getting.
Finally we head to Crappaw and Grandma Paulette's house.
I teased grandma by insisting I carry you into the house.
She wanted to get her arms around you so badly.
On our arrival to Bloomington, we met daddy and our adoption support buddies at the Domo hibachi grill. After a great meal and conversation we came on home and settled in for bed time.
Another great day with my little man.
Today we are takin' it easy and you are sleeping to my left in your little owl sleeper. Just a week ago your little owl sleeper looked like it was going to fall off. Little owly is now stretched to the seams.
Mommy loves you
Yesterday was a whirlwind of excitement for you! Dressed in your first pair of jeans, sneakers, cowboy shirt and navy hoodie we jumped in the car and made our way over to Columbus for the afternoon. We had a lot on our agenda.
We started out by visiting mommy's old school, Central Middle School, where she taught social studies. We visited mommy's super friend Mindy and she came really close to eating you up she thought you were so cuddly, bones and all. Her super cool students passed on some important advice for you to live as while you grow up... don't get in trouble, save money, have fun, and listen to your parents because they know more than you care to admit. Those big kids looked as if they really know what they were talking about so I'd take their word for it. Then to Karen's room. She didn't have much time but stopped to hug us and say how happy she is we all found each other.
We started out by visiting mommy's old school, Central Middle School, where she taught social studies. We visited mommy's super friend Mindy and she came really close to eating you up she thought you were so cuddly, bones and all. Her super cool students passed on some important advice for you to live as while you grow up... don't get in trouble, save money, have fun, and listen to your parents because they know more than you care to admit. Those big kids looked as if they really know what they were talking about so I'd take their word for it. Then to Karen's room. She didn't have much time but stopped to hug us and say how happy she is we all found each other.
Next, we went to Grandma LaJean's work. She was SO excited to show you around that you caused quite a disruption to the work day. People were coming from every direction to hear what all the fuss was about. When they saw you they knew right away it was because you are about the sweetest thing they have ever seen. I credited J's good looks and my sense of newborn style for your irresistible presence. They were blown over by your calm nature and I assured them that you are for real.
We then ran out to the outlet mall to shop for baby bargains. I didn't find much because not just any shirt will do for you. I did get you two button downs, just like daddy's, and two pair of pj's that have appliqued robots and Martians on them. It is too bad I'll have to wait almost a year to see you in them!We left the outlet mall and rushed back to town because I can feel Great Grandma Hazel's anticipation of your arrival growing and I was right. She greeted us at the door and we sat on her couch where she held and fed you. I was on the phone with J letting her know, to her delight, how much lovin' you were getting.
Finally we head to Crappaw and Grandma Paulette's house.
I teased grandma by insisting I carry you into the house.
She wanted to get her arms around you so badly.
Crappaw made funny faces at you and then got you your very own measurin' stick, a tradition in our family. My stick, started when I was 2, is still in the furnace room.
Mommy's height hasn't changed since August 1991, when I was 17! I am sure I will start to see myself shrink at this point but this was not the case for you. All of those feedings have been doing their job as you started out in this world 19" long and now measure in at 20 3/4"! Crappaw and Grandma helped me change a particularly messy diaper and we headed home. They stood on the front porch looking sad as they waved us back to Bloomington.
Mommy's height hasn't changed since August 1991, when I was 17! I am sure I will start to see myself shrink at this point but this was not the case for you. All of those feedings have been doing their job as you started out in this world 19" long and now measure in at 20 3/4"! Crappaw and Grandma helped me change a particularly messy diaper and we headed home. They stood on the front porch looking sad as they waved us back to Bloomington.
On our arrival to Bloomington, we met daddy and our adoption support buddies at the Domo hibachi grill. After a great meal and conversation we came on home and settled in for bed time.
Another great day with my little man.Today we are takin' it easy and you are sleeping to my left in your little owl sleeper. Just a week ago your little owl sleeper looked like it was going to fall off. Little owly is now stretched to the seams.
Mommy loves you
2:30 AM Feedings Make Me Warm and Fuzzy
Dear Henry,
Mommy really appreciates that you've been getting down with the sleepin' program.
The last couple of nights you've been a real champ. After eatin' 4oz at 10pm you decide that its a lot of work and sleep on through until 2:30am. At 2:30am you eat another 3oz, get a diaper change and you pass out again until 7am. 7am is the perfect time as that's when daddy gets ready for work. It is nice to all wake up together.
Sitting there holding you at 2:30 in the morning is sweet. You're warm, cuddly and slurpin' like your formula is going to disappear before your eyes.
Keep it up and mommy and daddy will finally catch up on our much needed rest. Just typing this is a sure fire way to end this bliss but I have faith in you little buddy.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Goin' to Work
Dear Henry,
Today we got up and gave you a bath because it was a special day.
We were going to see daddy at work! You really enjoyed your bath today and wiggled and squirmed to get your head under the warm water.
I could tell how proud daddy was to show off his new love, you! Daddy couldn't take the smile off of his face the entire time. When it was time to leave it was hard for daddy to say goodbye because he loves you so much he wanted to spend the rest of his day with you.
Everyone said how cute you are and how much hair you have and how happy there are for us that we are now a family. Everyone loved you in your little collared shirt with the cars on it.
I realized today how lucky I am to get to spend all day every day with my little man Hank.
We love you.
Good night baby,
Mommy
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
"My love for you is stronger than 7 gorillas."
I really wanted to take the time to tell about the day of Henry’s birth and how beautiful, brave and sensational J is but it seems so intimate and personal that I can’t just slap something together. Life is moving forward and I am excited about today. Waiting on finding time to adequately write about the birth is getting me behind on all of the other great things happening.
Today is the first day I feel like a real mommy. The last two weeks there have been a lot of people over to the house. I haven’t really been faced with filling our day up until Papa Steve gets home from a long day of work. I’d say we did a pretty good job for our first day.
We started out with a good eatin’ of 3oz of formula, a diaper change, and getting dressed; pretty normal stuff. Then we went to visit Aurora, the school where I worked, to return my keys and to visit during the lunch hour. Everyone threw oooohs and aaaahs at Henry and gave us lots of good wishes.
Then we were off to visit Auntie Kristin at work. She was super happy to see her nephew and took a break to hold and cuddle him.
Then we had a couple of errands to run at the library and bank. At the library I figured I would get Henry his first library card. Hey, I know he is young but Steve started the college fund so I started the library card. College can’t really happen without him being able to read!
Henry had a bottle and a poop in the newspaper section. My dad would like this as we have a long running joke about places that tend to encourage the body’s constitutions to begin moving. We received his library card and went to check out some music. Thanks to our friend Chris’ veteran father advice we checked out some music CDs called, “Lullaby Renditions” of Bob Marley, The Rolling Stones, and Radiohead. Then I found a CD called, “The Bottle Let Me Down.” The cover is funny and included songs titled Funky Butt, I Am My Own Grandpa, Don’t Wipe Your Face on Your Sleeve, and Hinky Dinky Dee. I’m a very visual person so when I spotted a CD with a little boy with very new wave make up I grabbed Since Henry’s alter ego is Hank, which is undeniably country, I picked up Buck Howdy’s Skidaddle to which I know Turkey in the Straw has to be a big hit! Then to round things out I picked up Granjera Bilingue (Bilingual Barnyard). I know El Chanchito is going to rock.
I figured I should check out a couple of books too so I went to the cardboard book section. I was lost and didn’t have any notion of what to pick but I figured whatever I chose couldn’t do too much harm to his fragile psyche as most of the books are less than 20 pages. We checked out “My Love for You,” by Susan L. Roth, “What’s Wrong, Little Pookie” by Sandra Boynton and “Maybe My Baby,” by Irene O’Book.
The great thing about the library is everyone stops me to talk to Henry and then they tell me how great I look for having a newborn. One woman even said, “Oh bless you for even getting out of the house and combing your hair.” I told her we adopted Henry and she replied, “Oh! That’s great but girl you’re still doin’ good!”
After the library we went to the bank to drop off a copy of my driver’s license so we could get Henry’s savings account opened up.
Then it was back to the car with one last stop to see Auntie Kristin. At Soma we ran into an old friend, Brad, and a newer friend, Jonathan. Now we are home and The Boy is snoozing and I’m getting ready to fold the laundry and give Steve a kiss when he gets home. This is great!
When Steve arrived home we relaxed a while and listened to our CDs then went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was a nice evening and Henry slept through the entire thing. He even slept through the gaggle of ladies that stopped us to say how cute he is and how happy they are for us.
We just ate dinner and are watching Obama’s speech. I think it is time for bed now.
What a happy day with my boys.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Beginning...
Hey folks,
Welcome to our blog!
I’m not sure how frequently we will post updates but if you are interested in hearing about our journey and immersion into first time parenthood check back from time to time and feel free to leave comments.
Our Journey To Parenthood…
After 6 years of constant fertility treatments, failing one cycle after another due to my poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and adhesions, we decided that becoming parents was FAR more important than the aspect of biology.
We began looking into our various adoption options. Our first reaction was that we were interested in international adoption because that’s with what we were most familiar. I began following the goings-on in Guatemalan adoptions and researched Russian adoption as well. We began to see many moral and physical road blocks for us with regard to international adoption.
Adoption in Russia required two lengthy stays, one of which both adoptive parents must spend in country. While traveling isn’t really a problem for us, Russian cities and towns are much older and we soon found that the government offices and public transit are not accessible for Steve. We were also concerned about the idea that in many of the Russian adoption programs you travel to the town and go to an orphanage where you are shown three or so kids out of the nursery and you “choose”. It was likely that I would be doing that part by myself. I looked at you tube videos of people first meeting their children and found one where an adoptive mother was doing just that, choosing. She was playing with the little girl while in the background of the video a group of 4 toddlers stood behind a baby gate reaching out and crying. Holy God! It killed me and still haunts me thinking about that video. I knew that I could not survive that situation emotionally and nor could Steve. We just could not see ourselves ever recovering from choosing one child and not the others.
Guatemalan adoption had already been a source of pain for our family due to two failed adoption attempts by my aunt and uncle several years ago. While we were still hopeful that this might be a possible path for us, we began to have concerns over how the birth parents’ rights may have been terminated, or of how much choice the women may or may not have in having their parental rights terminated. We also felt apprehensive about not knowing anything about the child’s birth family, as this information is generally not made available to the adoptive parents. I couldn't think about not knowing answers for our child or our child not having the connection to his birth family.
Our knowledge about domestic adoption (placements made within the United States) was much more limited than what we had learned about international adoption, so in January 2008 we attended an information seminar for an agency in Indianapolis that specialized in U.S. as well as international adoptions.
We walked in with a lot of anticipation and a long list of questions. They had a bunch of paperwork for us to fill out before the seminar started, and they took a Polaroid photo of us for “our file” and we took our seat. We sat through a couple of hours of videos and lectures about the pros and cons of international vs. domestic adoption. The information they provided was disconcerting to say the least. As they spoke about domestic adoption the presenters made sweeping generalizations about birthmothers of various cultural and racial backgrounds and the behaviors you would have to accept when dealing with them. Statements such as “Black mothers are like this…. White mothers are like this… Hispanic mothers are like this…” It was pretty offensive. There happened to be a young couple sitting behind us that I could tell wasn’t fond of the presentations either (this becomes noteworthy later in the story). They also devalued babies of certain backgrounds and gave lots of perks for choosing to adopt from that racial background...down to lower adoption fees.
At the end of the seminar they presented us with a folder detailing what they thought would be a good adoption plan. The packet suggested that our best bet would be international adoption, and they had noted several countries from which we might consider adopting. Turns out this agency does not actually handle any type of international adoption but provided several packets from agencies that do. Steve and I stayed after to consult with the agency about domestic adoption options. They essentially told us that they had never worked with a couple chosen in “our situation” before, and while that didn’t mean we wouldn’t have a successful adoption, they just really weren’t sure if a birthmother would choose us. (If you don't know us personally, Steven lives with a spinal cord injury and uses a power chair to get around.) Steve and I agreed that the adoption process is not something we wanted to start with an agency that is not certain of our ability to become parents, so we decided to keep looking.
That week I started calling agencies about international adoption. At the time, adoption from Guatemala and China were virtually shut off to western countries, and many countries would not allow us to adopt because they would not accept a parent with a disability, even if he has a stable job with the US federal government. Crap!
So that led me back to researching our domestic options. We began reading a lot about open adoption, and this concept really felt right to us. In open adoption the birth mother has a lot of choice in how much contact she would like with the adoptive family as well as being able to choose with whom she places the baby and the level of openness with the adoptive family after placement.
This took us to the Independent Adoption Center (IAC) in Indianapolis. Immediately we could tell that the attitude was different here. The devaluing of birthmothers and children of color was nonexistent. The IAC’s website pictured all types of families equally; biracial couples, same gender couples, older couples, as well as single parent hopefuls. As we spoke with the counselors we found out that we too would be treated equally as their philosophy is that there truly is a birth mother for every family. We felt hope after this meeting and joined within the month. The agency seemed to be in line with current adoption philosophy on best practices for all people involved, birthfamilies, children and adoptive parents. Our child could know his birth family and so could we! They would know the answers to their questions and birth families would/could stay connected. There wouldn't be a cloak of secrecy or shame about adoption for anyone involved. This seemed to eliminate our moral and ethical concerns about adoption.
We finished our paperwork very quickly. We then had to make a profile letter detailing our hopes to adopt a child. The letter contained lots of photos of us and several paragraphs about our families, friends, interests, careers and hobbies. We also made a website to be linked through the IAC site with even more photos and information about ourselves.
We asked around at the IAC if there were any adoption support groups in our area and we were happy to find out that there were two other Bloomington couples that had recently asked the same thing. We exchanged email addresses and decided to start an informal “support group” of local couples working with the IAC in the process of adopting. Our first meeting was a pot-luck dinner at our house and we’ve continued to meet at least once a month often at restaurants or parks, or at other couples’ homes. It turns out that the couple who sat behind us in the first seminar (at the agency we weren't too crazy about) were one of the couples who are also in the process of adopting through the IAC, and one of the couples hoping to start a support group.
Going through fertility treatments was a lonely, scary, and often depressing experience. With the adoption experience we have been so thankful to have a group of people to talk to throughout the process. Everyone in the group had been through ups and downs of their own to become parents, now we are sharing those adoption experiences with each other, and without this group of friends to talk with, bounce ideas off of, and sometimes just vent, we would not be sane today.
By December of 2008 we were starting to feel a little discouraged after being on the books since August with no contacts from any birth mothers. At around that time we received our first contact from my cousin Margaret, who got a lead through her boss who is also on the board of directors of an adoption agency in Illinois. It was a last minute situation in Tennessee for a baby girl who was 6 days old. It got our hearts pounding for about 5 hours, but by the time we were able to get in touch with the people handling the situation they had already found her a family. It turned out she was an adoption facilitator, which is not legal to use in Indiana.
Then about 2 weeks later we received an e-mail from a 21 year old woman in South Dakota who was making an adoption plan for her baby due June 24. We e-mailed her back and she told us that she had initially received 200 letters from the IAC and had narrowed those 200 down to 8. We were one of the 8! Over the next few days we kept in contact through phone and text messages and soon the 8 choices were narrowed down to 4, and by about December 22nd narrowed down to 2. And we were one of the 2!
She was hesitant to make a final decision before Christmas, and she had plenty of time to think it over as she was not due for 6 months. On Christmas Eve we shared the news with our family, and a few of us made the joke “What if we get another call now! What would we do?” The likelihood of this happening is astronomically low however, so we weren’t really entertaining the idea… but since Ms. South Dakota had not yet chosen us as the parents for her child we were of course still open to speaking with other potential birth mothers looking to place.
On Christmas Day at 5:35pm I went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom I had received a message on my cell phone from a young woman asking if we were still looking for a baby to adopt because she was ready to make and adoption plan! She said it was a boy and he was healthy. I was so freaked out and called Steve who was driving my brother and dad to the video store to get a movie. Steve freaked out equally, as did the rest of the family within earshot! This woman was from a small town in Indiana which is only about 50 miles from us, and she was due March 12, 2009. She was 21 and has two very young children already and realized that she wasn’t in the position to parent another child at this time. When I called her back she told me “I just know that you guys are the parents for this baby” and later told me that she didn’t see this as her giving a baby to us - she “wanted to give US to HIM.” She was really sweet and had gotten our letter from the OBGYN we both go to. Coincidentally, the letter that I left at the OBGYN office was the very first letter we had given out. She had held onto the letter from August until Christmas. She had shared it with friends and family. All those months we were waiting and she was waiting to call us. People joke about the Christmas Day call that you're going to be parents because it seems cliche or cheesy...but it was bliss. We connected on that very first call. She confided that she was nervous, I said, "ME TOO!" I thanked her for calling no matter how things turned out, I told her I knew how hard it must have been to make that first call. She said it was, but she knew we were her son's parents.
We set up a time to meet her and her sister a few days later at a truck stop in her hometown. She kept telling us that she knew that “we were the parents for her baby” and she had already chosen us! It didn’t take us long at all to know that this was the right match, and after several days of not hearing from Ms. South Dakota we decided to match with Ms. Indiana.
We had a formal “match meeting” with IAC soon after and discussed what the birthmother’s needs are during the adoption process, during the actual birth, and afterward. We get along so well with her and it fells like a really great fit.
A few days later, Ms. South Dakota sent a text message asking if we had matched with someone else. We told her that we had, because after nearly 4 weeks she had never made a decision on whether she was going to choose us. Apparently after learning that we matched with someone else, she contacted the IAC to let them know she had also chosen us. We felt sad for her because we really did enjoy getting to know her, but we felt so confident that Ms. Indiana was the right choice that it was never an issue in our minds.
We will refer to our son's birthmother as “J” (her first initial) from now on. She is cute, feisty, and funny. She has been very gracious in including us in her doctor’s appointments and has kept us updated throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. She has given us permission to use photos of her and to use her name. She really loves this baby and her two other boys, and wants to make the best decision for all of them.
We have also spoken with the birthfather. He is 19 and lives in J’s town. He is not ready to parent either but was happy to know we are a couple that values music as he is an aspiring musician.
Both J and the birth father have given us the great honor and trust to parent this baby boy. We hope to keep in contact with J but at this time she is not sure how much contact she will continue to want. For now we plan to send her pictures and letters, and she will be checking in on this website too. If she decides to not continue contact we will understand, but we will really miss her as we have really come to love and appreciate her.
We will be sending photos and letters to the birth father through the agency and he too will have access to this website.
The agency will continue to offer lifetime counseling to both birth parents if they should need or want it, which is part of why we chose to work with the Independent Adoption Center.
Now we wait for about 10 more days until the due date! We anticipate that the process will go smoothly as J has been so confident in this choice since the moment we first spoke with her. In Indiana she can sign the adoption documents within 24 hours after birth, and everything is finalized in about 6 to 8 weeks.
Once J signs the adoption documents there are no worries that anyone will come and take the baby or show up on our doorstep, as the birthfather was given 30 days to contest the adoption which lapsed about 3 weeks ago. I know this might be a concern for family and friends who may not have personal experience with the concept of an open adoption. After J signs in the hospital we can bring the baby home, and the ability to revoke that decision in Indiana is very, very slim. Knowing what she will be going through to make this decision is difficult. We love her so much already and we hope that visits and calls continue.
Okay, the next entries will not be so long or so dry but I wanted to give you a picture of where we’ve been so you know how much we appreciate where we are going. Thanks for reading!
+Update as of September 13, 2010.... Henry was born March 9th just before 11pm. We have continued contact with J, Thank goodness! We've had lots of visits and we text nearly daily. We have been able to meet most of her immediate family. They have become very supportive and check the blog for updates often. Despite some health issues, she is doing very well and has since married the love of her life.
We keep updates to M, Henry's birthfather through a social networking site but still have only heard back from him 1 time, in January 2010. He expressed interest in meeting and we welcomed it but have yet to hear from him again. I continue to send almost monthly updates, I know he has had a lot of feelings to deal with surrounding the adoption but said he has come to see us as a blessing, which means so much to us.
Welcome to our blog!
I’m not sure how frequently we will post updates but if you are interested in hearing about our journey and immersion into first time parenthood check back from time to time and feel free to leave comments.
Our Journey To Parenthood…
After 6 years of constant fertility treatments, failing one cycle after another due to my poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and adhesions, we decided that becoming parents was FAR more important than the aspect of biology.
We began looking into our various adoption options. Our first reaction was that we were interested in international adoption because that’s with what we were most familiar. I began following the goings-on in Guatemalan adoptions and researched Russian adoption as well. We began to see many moral and physical road blocks for us with regard to international adoption.
Adoption in Russia required two lengthy stays, one of which both adoptive parents must spend in country. While traveling isn’t really a problem for us, Russian cities and towns are much older and we soon found that the government offices and public transit are not accessible for Steve. We were also concerned about the idea that in many of the Russian adoption programs you travel to the town and go to an orphanage where you are shown three or so kids out of the nursery and you “choose”. It was likely that I would be doing that part by myself. I looked at you tube videos of people first meeting their children and found one where an adoptive mother was doing just that, choosing. She was playing with the little girl while in the background of the video a group of 4 toddlers stood behind a baby gate reaching out and crying. Holy God! It killed me and still haunts me thinking about that video. I knew that I could not survive that situation emotionally and nor could Steve. We just could not see ourselves ever recovering from choosing one child and not the others.
Guatemalan adoption had already been a source of pain for our family due to two failed adoption attempts by my aunt and uncle several years ago. While we were still hopeful that this might be a possible path for us, we began to have concerns over how the birth parents’ rights may have been terminated, or of how much choice the women may or may not have in having their parental rights terminated. We also felt apprehensive about not knowing anything about the child’s birth family, as this information is generally not made available to the adoptive parents. I couldn't think about not knowing answers for our child or our child not having the connection to his birth family.
Our knowledge about domestic adoption (placements made within the United States) was much more limited than what we had learned about international adoption, so in January 2008 we attended an information seminar for an agency in Indianapolis that specialized in U.S. as well as international adoptions.
We walked in with a lot of anticipation and a long list of questions. They had a bunch of paperwork for us to fill out before the seminar started, and they took a Polaroid photo of us for “our file” and we took our seat. We sat through a couple of hours of videos and lectures about the pros and cons of international vs. domestic adoption. The information they provided was disconcerting to say the least. As they spoke about domestic adoption the presenters made sweeping generalizations about birthmothers of various cultural and racial backgrounds and the behaviors you would have to accept when dealing with them. Statements such as “Black mothers are like this…. White mothers are like this… Hispanic mothers are like this…” It was pretty offensive. There happened to be a young couple sitting behind us that I could tell wasn’t fond of the presentations either (this becomes noteworthy later in the story). They also devalued babies of certain backgrounds and gave lots of perks for choosing to adopt from that racial background...down to lower adoption fees.
At the end of the seminar they presented us with a folder detailing what they thought would be a good adoption plan. The packet suggested that our best bet would be international adoption, and they had noted several countries from which we might consider adopting. Turns out this agency does not actually handle any type of international adoption but provided several packets from agencies that do. Steve and I stayed after to consult with the agency about domestic adoption options. They essentially told us that they had never worked with a couple chosen in “our situation” before, and while that didn’t mean we wouldn’t have a successful adoption, they just really weren’t sure if a birthmother would choose us. (If you don't know us personally, Steven lives with a spinal cord injury and uses a power chair to get around.) Steve and I agreed that the adoption process is not something we wanted to start with an agency that is not certain of our ability to become parents, so we decided to keep looking.
That week I started calling agencies about international adoption. At the time, adoption from Guatemala and China were virtually shut off to western countries, and many countries would not allow us to adopt because they would not accept a parent with a disability, even if he has a stable job with the US federal government. Crap!
So that led me back to researching our domestic options. We began reading a lot about open adoption, and this concept really felt right to us. In open adoption the birth mother has a lot of choice in how much contact she would like with the adoptive family as well as being able to choose with whom she places the baby and the level of openness with the adoptive family after placement.
This took us to the Independent Adoption Center (IAC) in Indianapolis. Immediately we could tell that the attitude was different here. The devaluing of birthmothers and children of color was nonexistent. The IAC’s website pictured all types of families equally; biracial couples, same gender couples, older couples, as well as single parent hopefuls. As we spoke with the counselors we found out that we too would be treated equally as their philosophy is that there truly is a birth mother for every family. We felt hope after this meeting and joined within the month. The agency seemed to be in line with current adoption philosophy on best practices for all people involved, birthfamilies, children and adoptive parents. Our child could know his birth family and so could we! They would know the answers to their questions and birth families would/could stay connected. There wouldn't be a cloak of secrecy or shame about adoption for anyone involved. This seemed to eliminate our moral and ethical concerns about adoption.
We finished our paperwork very quickly. We then had to make a profile letter detailing our hopes to adopt a child. The letter contained lots of photos of us and several paragraphs about our families, friends, interests, careers and hobbies. We also made a website to be linked through the IAC site with even more photos and information about ourselves.
We asked around at the IAC if there were any adoption support groups in our area and we were happy to find out that there were two other Bloomington couples that had recently asked the same thing. We exchanged email addresses and decided to start an informal “support group” of local couples working with the IAC in the process of adopting. Our first meeting was a pot-luck dinner at our house and we’ve continued to meet at least once a month often at restaurants or parks, or at other couples’ homes. It turns out that the couple who sat behind us in the first seminar (at the agency we weren't too crazy about) were one of the couples who are also in the process of adopting through the IAC, and one of the couples hoping to start a support group.
Going through fertility treatments was a lonely, scary, and often depressing experience. With the adoption experience we have been so thankful to have a group of people to talk to throughout the process. Everyone in the group had been through ups and downs of their own to become parents, now we are sharing those adoption experiences with each other, and without this group of friends to talk with, bounce ideas off of, and sometimes just vent, we would not be sane today.
By December of 2008 we were starting to feel a little discouraged after being on the books since August with no contacts from any birth mothers. At around that time we received our first contact from my cousin Margaret, who got a lead through her boss who is also on the board of directors of an adoption agency in Illinois. It was a last minute situation in Tennessee for a baby girl who was 6 days old. It got our hearts pounding for about 5 hours, but by the time we were able to get in touch with the people handling the situation they had already found her a family. It turned out she was an adoption facilitator, which is not legal to use in Indiana.
Then about 2 weeks later we received an e-mail from a 21 year old woman in South Dakota who was making an adoption plan for her baby due June 24. We e-mailed her back and she told us that she had initially received 200 letters from the IAC and had narrowed those 200 down to 8. We were one of the 8! Over the next few days we kept in contact through phone and text messages and soon the 8 choices were narrowed down to 4, and by about December 22nd narrowed down to 2. And we were one of the 2!
She was hesitant to make a final decision before Christmas, and she had plenty of time to think it over as she was not due for 6 months. On Christmas Eve we shared the news with our family, and a few of us made the joke “What if we get another call now! What would we do?” The likelihood of this happening is astronomically low however, so we weren’t really entertaining the idea… but since Ms. South Dakota had not yet chosen us as the parents for her child we were of course still open to speaking with other potential birth mothers looking to place.
On Christmas Day at 5:35pm I went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom I had received a message on my cell phone from a young woman asking if we were still looking for a baby to adopt because she was ready to make and adoption plan! She said it was a boy and he was healthy. I was so freaked out and called Steve who was driving my brother and dad to the video store to get a movie. Steve freaked out equally, as did the rest of the family within earshot! This woman was from a small town in Indiana which is only about 50 miles from us, and she was due March 12, 2009. She was 21 and has two very young children already and realized that she wasn’t in the position to parent another child at this time. When I called her back she told me “I just know that you guys are the parents for this baby” and later told me that she didn’t see this as her giving a baby to us - she “wanted to give US to HIM.” She was really sweet and had gotten our letter from the OBGYN we both go to. Coincidentally, the letter that I left at the OBGYN office was the very first letter we had given out. She had held onto the letter from August until Christmas. She had shared it with friends and family. All those months we were waiting and she was waiting to call us. People joke about the Christmas Day call that you're going to be parents because it seems cliche or cheesy...but it was bliss. We connected on that very first call. She confided that she was nervous, I said, "ME TOO!" I thanked her for calling no matter how things turned out, I told her I knew how hard it must have been to make that first call. She said it was, but she knew we were her son's parents.
We set up a time to meet her and her sister a few days later at a truck stop in her hometown. She kept telling us that she knew that “we were the parents for her baby” and she had already chosen us! It didn’t take us long at all to know that this was the right match, and after several days of not hearing from Ms. South Dakota we decided to match with Ms. Indiana.
We had a formal “match meeting” with IAC soon after and discussed what the birthmother’s needs are during the adoption process, during the actual birth, and afterward. We get along so well with her and it fells like a really great fit.
A few days later, Ms. South Dakota sent a text message asking if we had matched with someone else. We told her that we had, because after nearly 4 weeks she had never made a decision on whether she was going to choose us. Apparently after learning that we matched with someone else, she contacted the IAC to let them know she had also chosen us. We felt sad for her because we really did enjoy getting to know her, but we felt so confident that Ms. Indiana was the right choice that it was never an issue in our minds.
We will refer to our son's birthmother as “J” (her first initial) from now on. She is cute, feisty, and funny. She has been very gracious in including us in her doctor’s appointments and has kept us updated throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. She has given us permission to use photos of her and to use her name. She really loves this baby and her two other boys, and wants to make the best decision for all of them.
We have also spoken with the birthfather. He is 19 and lives in J’s town. He is not ready to parent either but was happy to know we are a couple that values music as he is an aspiring musician.
Both J and the birth father have given us the great honor and trust to parent this baby boy. We hope to keep in contact with J but at this time she is not sure how much contact she will continue to want. For now we plan to send her pictures and letters, and she will be checking in on this website too. If she decides to not continue contact we will understand, but we will really miss her as we have really come to love and appreciate her.
We will be sending photos and letters to the birth father through the agency and he too will have access to this website.
The agency will continue to offer lifetime counseling to both birth parents if they should need or want it, which is part of why we chose to work with the Independent Adoption Center.
Now we wait for about 10 more days until the due date! We anticipate that the process will go smoothly as J has been so confident in this choice since the moment we first spoke with her. In Indiana she can sign the adoption documents within 24 hours after birth, and everything is finalized in about 6 to 8 weeks.
Once J signs the adoption documents there are no worries that anyone will come and take the baby or show up on our doorstep, as the birthfather was given 30 days to contest the adoption which lapsed about 3 weeks ago. I know this might be a concern for family and friends who may not have personal experience with the concept of an open adoption. After J signs in the hospital we can bring the baby home, and the ability to revoke that decision in Indiana is very, very slim. Knowing what she will be going through to make this decision is difficult. We love her so much already and we hope that visits and calls continue.
Okay, the next entries will not be so long or so dry but I wanted to give you a picture of where we’ve been so you know how much we appreciate where we are going. Thanks for reading!
+Update as of September 13, 2010.... Henry was born March 9th just before 11pm. We have continued contact with J, Thank goodness! We've had lots of visits and we text nearly daily. We have been able to meet most of her immediate family. They have become very supportive and check the blog for updates often. Despite some health issues, she is doing very well and has since married the love of her life.
We keep updates to M, Henry's birthfather through a social networking site but still have only heard back from him 1 time, in January 2010. He expressed interest in meeting and we welcomed it but have yet to hear from him again. I continue to send almost monthly updates, I know he has had a lot of feelings to deal with surrounding the adoption but said he has come to see us as a blessing, which means so much to us.
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