First In, First Out

Dear Hazittle, 
Finally!  About three weeks ago you discovered you had a lil wiggler down in front.  Not being keen on putting a finger in your mouth and wiggling it, fear keeping you from allowing me to check it out during the day, we had to designated 5 wiggles three times a day to keep tabs on that lil dangler.  So, three weeks...that sucker was nearly sticking straight forward and in the end it was the all encompassing Hoosier desire for buttery sweet corn in the month of July that swayed you to rip it out on your own.  Sitting at the lunch table you begged for me to cut the corn off the cob, seeing an opportunity, I said to just get that tooth out already.  I asked if you'd like me to help.  You screamed, "NO!"  I gave you a napkin and you grabbed at it, whining that you were scared.  We told you to do what you wanted, but if you closed your eyes and grabbed it you would have it out in no time.  We acted as if we were ignoring you for a minute to give you space.  The three of us watched from the corner of our eyes...  You took a deep breath, squinched your eyes up all tight and secure and took that napkin and pulled, pulled and pulled.  BAM! You declared, "I GOT IT! It is out!"  You were very excited! but had a sort of mixed expression of freak out and happiness.  To cheer or to cry.  

The celebratory ice cream cone settled you into cheering!  We all cheered for you.  You ran to get your tooth pillow Aunt Linda made you.  The next morning La Toothy Dienta, your tooth fairy, left you two dollars and a nice note commending you on your bravery.  

You were particularly excited that she left the letter covered in fairy dust, which I caught you later picking off and sprinkling over your head in some sort of ritual spell you would not tell me of the details.  Exiting times ahead as #2 is not far behind.  You make everything so sweet and special.  What a way to get ready to start school.
Love, Mama

Take Your Kid to Work Day

Dear Hen, 
You got to go to work with Daddy again this year for the take your Child to Work Day Program. You were super excited!
You planned out your outfit, looked over the agenda and were ready quickly in the morning so you could pick up a muffin before your day. You were in good company with other kids who came and Daddy's bosses put a lot into making you all feel welcome and making sure you had plenty of helpful tasks to do.  I dropped in during lunch to check on you.  You looked so proud, eating your pizza quickly and telling me, "I'll see you later I've gotta get back to the room."  

I am grateful you and Daddy had this time together. You decided you really enjoy loading and unloading papers, stamping things and shredding.  
You have proclaimed you will go with Daddy on this day until you can't any longer.  Very sweet, and I hope so.
Love, Mama


 

School Days, Drool Days

Dear Hazelita, 
Big days have passed in your life and I was buried under a ton of photography jobs and have neglected our blog, which is a theme of all the most recent, not truly so recent posts.  Part of the photography I have been doing was at a sweet little nursery school, pre school and kindergarten extravaganza place I have done for 3 years now.  Each year the amazing director has encouraged me to enroll you, and finally a day came when I had a couple of loose ends to tie up at the school and you came with me.  You were quickly embraced by the kids in the play yard.  I started chatting with the kindergarten teachers.  You played and giggled and played.  When the kids were called to snack you were hanging in the playhouse and a buddy came and invited you to come for snack, too.  You joined their table.  You declared, "I'm 5!" Which received a chorus of, "Hey! I'm 5!"  "Me, too!" "I was 5 in August!"  As we were leaving, the director stopped me, she had been seeing you in the play yard.  All it took was a side head tilt and a, "Lisa!" and I was making the plans to have you start school November 1st.  You did start school.  Full of nervous vibrations, sturdier by your relentless self confidence, your hugs goodbye were brief.  You have attended about 2.5 weeks and are in love. 

In love with signing in, saying hello to Ms. Robin the lady who floats around playing her harp, with the girls, with the boys, with bringing home crafts you made, with daddy coming in the talk about his wheelchair, with speedy steps to embrace me when I arrive for pick up.  I love that I only am giving up 3 hours with you each day.  Next year's full day is going to be tough for you, but I know you'll make it after having such a lovely introduction to school. 

You need extra cuddles and are exhausted, yelling at me far more than you ever have, begging for home and snugglin' the instant we get in the car.  It is bitter sweet times for me.  I knew all the little buds in your class so I knew you would be in great partnerships at school, but next year is ALL day.  I think I already mentioned that.  I am searching for my next thing to do, right now photography seems to be there for me each time I want to take it.  But, my days without cuddles are going to be colder, a little more lonely with more anticipation of picking up both my kiddos in the afternoon, perked to hear the day's happenings.  I am so proud of you. 
Love, Mama

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was (eight). Jesus, does anyone?

Dear Hen, 
Last school year you developed quite a strong bond with a little buddy, E.  You keep your emotions and thoughts sometimes as close as your skin but with this buddy you've opened up and let more of yourself out, rather than following along with what they want.   You've found a voice and when I asked you about it...the friendship, how close you will let him get to you when others you shrug their touches you told me about how you're weird, he is weird and you can be weird together.  That hit my heart so deep. I hope you are always good friends but at 7 and now 8 I am grateful you've found someone you don't feel judged by or the need to be shy with your personal inclinations and quirks.  We all need to find someone to be weird with. 

Mommy has Daddy, thank goodness.  With E you relax, you don't dig in, you don't get frustrated, you don't get bothered; you just are.  You can find a flamingo at the zoo and name it Bryan and talk about it for months after.  You can visit him while sick at the children's hospital and get close on the floor and bring your spinning disco light to take him away from it for an hour or two, playing games only you two are in on.  

You can wait all summer to go to the fair to ride crazy rides because you know you'll meet every height requirement this year and be okay with the fact that you decided to ask him to be your fair buddy, even though he would rather not ride a single ride.  But your magic rubbed off on him and gave him courage to ride his first big ride, The Sizzler. 

Feeling braver with my fearless boy by his side you road the pirate ship, a real stretch for him.  I asked E after he got off the pirate ship, on scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not at all and 10 being super pumped, how much did he want to ride the ship before he got on it. He said, "A 3!"  I said, "I thought so (he rode this first right with a hat and sunglasses all pulled in close)..now that you're off of it."  A shouting fist pumping, "10!!!"  Thus, the rest of the day was racing from ride to ride pushing limits, laughing together and enjoying each other.  When E wasn't ready he gave you the space to ride on your own, until he was ready to try it too.  You gave him the same respect by taking breaks between the big rides to jump through the maze houses on repeat x20. You were both so excited about your day together when I dropped off E you had me ask Daddy if we could go back to the fair that evening.  We did and an excited E and his Dad and soon to be stepmom were there, too.  Ready to experience the excitement all over again.  You have been good for each other.  I can't think of anything I'd want more for you than seeing you have a close friendship with someone, full of hidden jokes and goofy behavior and consideration of each of your needs.   

Being that you are at the same school and will be in the same class for the next 6 years, at least, I hope that friendship continues to grow and support each other.  I consider this a major milestone for you.  Opening up and letting someone in to our weirdness can be really risky and hard.  I am proud of you that you have.

Love, Mama

Through the Crowd

Dear Henry and Hazel, 
Last week, on an ordinary day, I drove across town to pick you (Henny) up from school. Hazel and I had been home all day, pulling our stained and worn carpet from the house to make way for gorgeous bamboo floors.  Tired and worn from the work and a whiny and board Hazel, I pulled into the long line of cars filled with people picking up their kids.  I had lazily picked up some cheeseburgers and fries for a late, late bad lunch just to have it done.  My impatience building, working to get back to work on the floors,  I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel.  And then one of those moments I tuck away to replay at random moments where I realize you are growing up, and rather than face that I think of that time when you were really cute...I looked in the rear mirror and saw you (Hazel) mugging your cheeseburger chewing face in the sun with a scrunched up smile and sparkly eyes catching mine, a smile just for me and a gleeful, "I LOVE YOU, MAMA!"  I love you, too, baby girl.  and the sun was shining on the kids waiting on the sidewalk in that highlighting way it does in late winter as you are gifted a spattering of days with sunshine and a hint of warmth, full of promises for the spring to come.  As people were passing around I began the search for my boy.  My head bobbing back and forth, eye line weaving between little kids, all looking for their place, in their cars, with their people.  And then there it happens.  A pause when your eyes and mine meet, we evaluate, a heartbeat pause, and then recognition, yep! that's him, that's her...we belong together...you belong to me, I belong to you...smile of acceptance of that fact, joy of that fact and you trot over to the van and get it.  "Hello Henny! How was your day!"  I get this honor.  I get this responsibility.  When I feel these times I think of your birthmom's who are proud of their decisions and love us all so deeply, especially you two squirrels. I don't take it for granted.  It is small, yet it is everything. 

 Maybe this sentimental post comes on the edge of finding out that the agency who helped with your adoptions closed down...leaving a lot of families waiting to become parents without any services but money paid for those services, leaving birth parents and expecting parents without counseling when they really need it, leaving me feeling like something changed for the worse with them along the way that they could just leave without helping these families set up the next steps for their plan to build a family.  We were grateful for the positive experience we had with their Indianapolis branch and I know our counselors were all in for the families...They too have a loss.  I just wish the high ups were all in as well.  Thoughtfully rolling this bankruptcy out with the same ethics they attempted to apply to their adoptions would have made a great deal of difference.  My gratitude this week that we have two kids through open adoption soars as families mourn their loss of this opportunity.  These moments were hard fought for and pined over for years by Mommy and Daddy, I will continue my gratitude and awe of the decisions your birth mamas made to make us all family.  I love the reminders like this moment.  Love, Mama              

Hazel wants to say... ihhihogkhjhgfvxgfttcxdvsal (yep, that's a hedge hog)

Showing Off Birthday Presents

Waiting for guests

Dear Hazelita, 
My sweet girl, you turned 4 this September 8th.  This birthday marked six months of passionately awaited expectations of a party!  On exiting the library flipping your dark braids around you broke away from me to let our favorite librarian know that your birthday was coming up.  I nodded from behind and clarified in like 3 months you'd be 4 while you gushed on to described your party as a pony party in an alley with lots of pizza and jars of candy.  Checking out from the grocery you let polite checker know too of your alley pony pizza candy party, in two months but so and so are coming, and so and so and....  Finally, each day creeped by with the slowness of a snail until the day was here.  Two o'clock seemed so far away.  Bahboo and P, Grandma Jean and Aunt Glo, Uncle Dave and Goldie the best dog in the world showed up and the party started.  We got the cotton candy machine set up and party decorations, tables and Henry filled the pinata (stashing a half bag of candy in the cabinet.)  Soon, the party was full swing with all of your guest wishing you a happy birthday and despite the line stating no need for presents you make an amazingly thoughtful haul of presents and cards.  There was beautiful weather and a great swell of energy, and I don't think it was just the cotton candy machine going faster than little hands could wind it up on the naked paper cones.  

Great people together to celebrate my best girl created the excitement all on its own.  

Next was breaking the pinata.  Holy excitement!  Kids lined up and everyone got a couple of chances to wack and swing at the pinata, even a couple of adults.  It was intense and exciting to watch!  

After the pinata we sang happy birthday and cut cake. Yum!  Your birthday was a sugar feast.  

I'm so glad we had a party at our house this year.  I am so grateful the weather was perfect.  I'm so grateful for you.  Many more happy birthdays my lil peach. Love, Mama