IAC Picnic 2010 Indianapolis, Indiana

Dear Henry,

We attended the Independent Adoption Center's annual picnic again this year.  It was fun meeting new couples at the start of their process like Shane & James.  They enjoyed playing with you and talking science fiction with Doug and Daddy.  I think your cuteness put a kick in their butt to complete their paperwork as soon as possible.  Our friends Andrew, you two share the same birthday a year apart,  and Julie were there with Andrew's grandma, birth grandma, birth mom E and a couple of his birth siblings.  Then we saw Emily, Kirk and Nicholas and met his birth mom too.  Nicholas was brand new!  They are a family that sat with us at our weekend intensive at the agency.   There was food, face painting, a playground, and balls to play with.  Julie was sneakin' you fruit snacks and we allowed you to drink juice so you were really happy despite the heat.

Many people ask why we choose an open adoption with continued communication.  If they could attend the picnic they would understand.  While waiting to get your arm painted a girl was saying see ya later to her birth father and birth grandma.  He said, "Bye honey, we'll see you next year, we love you! Have a great time on your trip."  The older woman said, "We'll miss you.  Have a great time!"  The little girl responded with, "I love you too, I'll miss you too. Bye, Thanks for coming!"  I said to her, "Wow! You sure have a lot of people who love you!"  She smiled at me really big and said, "I know!"  and she ran to play.  For her the concept of her birth family isn't threatening, scary, unknown or a fantasy of grandeur or of horror; it is natural!  

This is why we choose to have an open adoption.  Why shouldn't we all get along and be in each others' lives.  I have no doubt that I am your mama and I don't think you are confused.  There isn't a threat from knowing J.  You are legally our child so we are always going to be your parents.  Yes, I know there can be many reasons why contact could be determined to be destructive rather than nurturing...but when it isn't destructive?  Raising a child isn't about ego, it isn't about me, it is what is best for you Peep.  We want you to have a strong sense of all the facets of yourself.  We love J because she made us parents, she made our dream come true, she is a strong woman that taught me to do what is hard if it is best for you, and she has such compassion for us.  J loves us because we love you so much, she is confident that you are safe and happy, and because we have such compassion for her.  We hope that we continue to have a positive relationship, it could ebb and flow as the years pass, as naturally happens in relationships but our sense of family will not.  We invited J to the picnic but it just wasn't going to work out for them this year.  There is always next year!  We hope that she will be there with us next year, but if she isn't able to... we understand.    

BTW: You did get painted...A spider on your hand.  Doug and Peter were there with us and couldn't stop laughing because you smeared the spider across your face reminiscent of the icing from your birthday cake.  You had black teeth and lips for the rest of the day.  It didn't hurt your looks though, you were still cute!

We love you,

Love your mama