Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Peep, 
My sweet baby/big boy in transition.  After Saturday's stunt we decided we needed to just make the big changes, rearranged your room and..... removed the crib............(dramatic pause)
I cried.  Daddy and I gave each other a few saturated melancholy glances, our hearts thumping back to how not so long ago we were putting this crib together for our new baby we had yearned for so very long.  Here we were anyway, taking it apart and moving over the twin bed into its place.  I asked you where are you going to sleep tonight and with a stoked holla you said, "IN MY BIG BOY BED!"  Bed time was simple.  Per usual, we read a few books together in the rocker; Where the Wild Things Are, Bard and Hugs.  Then we tried to get you to allow Daddy to "hold you like a baby," but instead tonight you gave him a big squeeze and a kiss...slow down buddy, you don't have to be such a big boy so quickly.  Then I gave you my huggings and our song, 
Squeezin' Means Lovin'
Lovin' Means Squeezin'
I -Love- You!  SOO MUCH!
Then a kiss...you gave me an extra big one tonight.  You did the traditional flop backward at the end, the fall wasn't as dramatic as from the side of the crib.  We connected gazes and you giggle and scream back, "TOO MUCH MOMMY! TOO MUCH!"  Daddy and I always respond, "NEVER TOO MUCH!  SOOO MUCH HENNY!"  And you asked me to stay a bit tonight.  I did, sitting in the rocker you asked me to tell you a story about 'Enrique'  (Spanish for Henry complements of Bahboo).  I did and then I listened to your breathing getting heavier until I was sure you were asleep.  I slipped out of the room with a heavy sigh.  I was sayin' good bye to my baby and welcoming in decidedly a new phase for you.  This is the first time I felt a milestone was a metamorphosis, a leaving behind of who you were in exchange for who you are going to be.  I have to get used to the pile of Henrys that will gather in my heart.  
I debated over whether I wanted to share this here but more than ever I am grateful I have kept this record of my sweet peep, so I will.  As I was re-shelving your books out of the blue and over the music you said, "I was in your tummy Mommy."  I said,  "What honey?"  I was surprised and wanted to make sure I heard you clearly.  You said, "I was in your tummy."  I don't even use the term tummy when I refer to where a baby grows so I was a little surprised.  I said, "No baby, you didn't grow in my tummy but I wish you could have, but I am just as happy that you grew in JoJo's tummy because we all love each other so much."  Then I called Daddy for back up.  He asked you if you'd like to hear about the day you were born and then started to say, "Daddy was there and Mommy and..."  You changed the subject.  We didn't press.  Daddy went back with cousin Tony and we went on with our work.  A few minutes later you mumbled to yourself, "I wasn't in your tummy but mommy wishes I was, I was in JoJo's tummy.  She loves us all TOO MUCH!  TOO MUCH Mommy!"  You redirected it towards me and jumped into my lap giggling saying, "JoJo loves us TOO MUCH!"  I said with a snuggle, "NO, NO, NO! So much!"   I think maybe you too were feeling the changes.  You needed to feel close to us.  We always love you baby.  No matter how independent you get.  Even though it is bittersweet, that is how we have decided to raise you.  We wish for you to be thoughtful, self reliant, confident and capable.  We also do a lot to make sure you know that we are always here for you when you need us.  I suppose we can't hold ya like a baby forever, even if we wish that we could.  (You're up! You slept until 9:37!)
  Love, Mama 

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's exactly how Emi sleeps. :). Love this post.

Anonymous said...

This won't surprise anyone who knows me, but my heart is full and it is stuck right there. Tears in the eyes, of one who cares! Gma P

Doug said...

Hi Lisa, This is a beautiful post. It brings up so many emotions. I love the picture at the end.

Amie said...

Beautiful Lisa!!! He's such a big boy now!

Brook said...

Awesome! Glad it went so well.