Starting School, for Realsies

Dear Babes,
(I am writing this months after the fact, I will not relinquish this diary for you both to the busy minutia of life.  I sware!) 

Big events in the Thompsons.  You are both at the same school this year!  Excitement built days before the big launch to two Thompsons in all day school.  You created your first days signs, cultivated your look for the first day and cleaned out book bags readying lunch boxes. For Henry this was an old hat, but admittedly with new hair.  This summer we allowed you to try dying your hair various colors.  First it was cyan, then purple for the first day of school.  Hazel patiently waited through a small bleach and reddened strip after your pro haircut.  I feel mama did a pretty great job for a first time. 

Daddy and I shared in the first day send off and brought you into school.  You two hugged and went to your respective rooms.  Hazel you couldn't really wait for us to leave and you were already gathering friends around you.  You were gung ho for about three days and then excited exhaustion bore down and you begged to just stay home with mama.  I had to vow each morning to snuggle time immediately after returning home from pick up.  I don't mind that one bit.

Teachers told me that you, Henry would check in on Hazel during the day that first week.  About three weeks in Hazel, you told me that, "during the day you go to Henry's cubby and smell the stuff in it because you miss Henry so much.  Though your classrooms are next door to each other you don't get the opportunity to be with each other frequently.  When it came time for passions class, though, the second and third cycles you were in the same classroom.  That was exciting for your both for a short time.

As far as mama, I have been working the photography game as much as possible.  I have had a lot of work!  I have almost been too busy to notices the difference but I do notice.  I miss the cuddle time in the after noon with your sweet lil arms wrapped around me.  On the days I don't have any work, I don't have any appointments, I don't have a project I feel a little lost without my two buddies.  I look forward to picking you up each day and sometimes it is hard to just wait until 3:20. 

I have taken up volunteering in your kindergarten classroom, Hazel.  I help and work with mostly other students but I feel my little magnet pulling me in all day.  I have made lots of little friends but when it is cool down time after play time it is my little buddy I sprawl on the floor with for a quick cuddle. 

I can't believe we are here.  All the basic firsts checked off  the long list.  Now, we just wait as you get older and older and forge your own life and relationships.  It is all good, but, admittedly, if I ruminate too long I might feel a little tear slip down my face. 
I love you both so much.  I love seeing your successes this year at school. 
Love, Mommy

Third then Fourth

Dear Hen, 

Your last day of 3rd grade. WHAT!!! This really did happen super fast. People say that, the kids grow up super fast.  You really do.  You're 9 now and grew 6 inches since last summer and now wear my tennis shoes.  This was a year where you matured a lot and gained many levels of self confidence.  You got through testing, which you take very seriously, with a pass and pass plus.  You felt really great about that.  We were really proud of how much work it was for you yet you still excelled.  It is hard for you to do writing projects without a constant sounding board.  You worked very hard on finding ways to do this in class.  Mommy and daddy and your teachers were very proud of you.  We love that you and Hazel will be together next year.  It is such an exciting time in our family to have you both in school learning and growing to become your best selves.  I love how as we put another version of you in our pile of memories a new one emerges with the vestiges of the last, 

funny, goofy, inquiring, struggling, trying new things and appreciating your friendships.

I really enjoyed your outdoor end of the year program.  You were full of anticipation and you drilled into me many times how much you wanted us there.  It was beautiful day and I wasn't the only wet cheeked parent there after you sang I Lava You.  

(Or Hazel likes to say, Balava).  It chokes me up every time!  You were excited when you finally caught my eye before you began singing.  I couldn't miss you.  You had a carefully planned outfit for the performance.  See picture below.

 "I have a dream

I hope it will come true

That you're here with me

And I am here with you

I wish that the earth, sea, and the sky up above

Will send me someone to lava"

My hope was answered.
I lava you, 
Mama

New Starts

Dear Peach, 

It is happening.  The day I thought would never get here, the day that I didn't want to get here, the day I couldn't wait to get here all rolled into one.  You are enrolled at TPS, with your big brother next year!!! He will be in 4th grade and you will be in kindergarten.  We went to your orientation after two false starts, due to me getting the date wrong and the other a power failure at the school and they had to move the date.  You could barely contain yourself with disappointment at the cancellation conversely a week later with elation to attend the orientation. You picked a special dress, you did your hair and you worked to get out of the house early.  We entered the building and our fearless, intelligent and kind principal and you shrieked at each other with joy and gave big hugs, with all standers-by welcoming that, "Hazel is finally going to be here!!"  The teachers and students already know you by name, of course. Your goal for the orientation was to make some friends and two 1st grade guides stuck to you like glue...but your brother felt he wanted to show you around and guided you to the art and music room through the cafeteria and where you could go to the bathroom if you had to go while at school.  You had a great 7 months where you attended a lovely short half day kindergarten, and you were so tired at the end of the day.  I hope your excitement and enthusiasm carry you through the long day of school, friends, play and learning.  I know this is all going to be an adjustment.  Our entire schedule will be different, and mommy's life is going to change.  I have already been doing more photos for people and volunteering at the school with the middle level (and I was so impressed and need to be a part of that).  I am sad that my official stay at home mom days are over. I am guessing the first year your breaks from class, when the two of you are all mine, all day, are going to be little glistening jewels among the growing pains.  

   After your orientation we celebrated via a Chocolate Moose tradition, a dipped torch cone with eyeballs. It is official. I have two kids in school.  A boy. A girl.  They are super different from each other.  Super funny.  Super smart.  You are going to add a lot to the school my little sweetie, and they are going to add a lot to you. For that I am grateful. I will think of these days of just the two of us with lots of time to snuggle, over and over.  I asked you last night if you will still hold my hand after you start school. Sitting on my lab snuggled close, you pulled back and earnestly looked into my eyes. In your gentle caring manner you said, "Mama, I am getting bigger and I may not hold your hand anymore but I will still probably love you." (Two weeks before Henry entered Kindergarten he promised he would always hold my hand...it wasn't a two days into his first week and the promised changed.)  These changes are coming...and the girl who told me a month ago that she was worried that we wouldn't have enough cuddle time in the day so we would likely have to cuddle me as soon as she got home is going to shed and discard into my piles of Hazel's in all over her appearances.  Your constants are beautiful.  Caring, kind, loving, snugly, hilarious, a fantastical imagination and a gift of the gab, but as you said, you are growing up.  The spaces where I fit will fill in with other wonderful things.
Love, Mama 

   

School Days, Drool Days

Dear Hazelita, 
Big days have passed in your life and I was buried under a ton of photography jobs and have neglected our blog, which is a theme of all the most recent, not truly so recent posts.  Part of the photography I have been doing was at a sweet little nursery school, pre school and kindergarten extravaganza place I have done for 3 years now.  Each year the amazing director has encouraged me to enroll you, and finally a day came when I had a couple of loose ends to tie up at the school and you came with me.  You were quickly embraced by the kids in the play yard.  I started chatting with the kindergarten teachers.  You played and giggled and played.  When the kids were called to snack you were hanging in the playhouse and a buddy came and invited you to come for snack, too.  You joined their table.  You declared, "I'm 5!" Which received a chorus of, "Hey! I'm 5!"  "Me, too!" "I was 5 in August!"  As we were leaving, the director stopped me, she had been seeing you in the play yard.  All it took was a side head tilt and a, "Lisa!" and I was making the plans to have you start school November 1st.  You did start school.  Full of nervous vibrations, sturdier by your relentless self confidence, your hugs goodbye were brief.  You have attended about 2.5 weeks and are in love. 

In love with signing in, saying hello to Ms. Robin the lady who floats around playing her harp, with the girls, with the boys, with bringing home crafts you made, with daddy coming in the talk about his wheelchair, with speedy steps to embrace me when I arrive for pick up.  I love that I only am giving up 3 hours with you each day.  Next year's full day is going to be tough for you, but I know you'll make it after having such a lovely introduction to school. 

You need extra cuddles and are exhausted, yelling at me far more than you ever have, begging for home and snugglin' the instant we get in the car.  It is bitter sweet times for me.  I knew all the little buds in your class so I knew you would be in great partnerships at school, but next year is ALL day.  I think I already mentioned that.  I am searching for my next thing to do, right now photography seems to be there for me each time I want to take it.  But, my days without cuddles are going to be colder, a little more lonely with more anticipation of picking up both my kiddos in the afternoon, perked to hear the day's happenings.  I am so proud of you. 
Love, Mama

Through the Crowd

Dear Henry and Hazel, 
Last week, on an ordinary day, I drove across town to pick you (Henny) up from school. Hazel and I had been home all day, pulling our stained and worn carpet from the house to make way for gorgeous bamboo floors.  Tired and worn from the work and a whiny and board Hazel, I pulled into the long line of cars filled with people picking up their kids.  I had lazily picked up some cheeseburgers and fries for a late, late bad lunch just to have it done.  My impatience building, working to get back to work on the floors,  I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel.  And then one of those moments I tuck away to replay at random moments where I realize you are growing up, and rather than face that I think of that time when you were really cute...I looked in the rear mirror and saw you (Hazel) mugging your cheeseburger chewing face in the sun with a scrunched up smile and sparkly eyes catching mine, a smile just for me and a gleeful, "I LOVE YOU, MAMA!"  I love you, too, baby girl.  and the sun was shining on the kids waiting on the sidewalk in that highlighting way it does in late winter as you are gifted a spattering of days with sunshine and a hint of warmth, full of promises for the spring to come.  As people were passing around I began the search for my boy.  My head bobbing back and forth, eye line weaving between little kids, all looking for their place, in their cars, with their people.  And then there it happens.  A pause when your eyes and mine meet, we evaluate, a heartbeat pause, and then recognition, yep! that's him, that's her...we belong together...you belong to me, I belong to you...smile of acceptance of that fact, joy of that fact and you trot over to the van and get it.  "Hello Henny! How was your day!"  I get this honor.  I get this responsibility.  When I feel these times I think of your birthmom's who are proud of their decisions and love us all so deeply, especially you two squirrels. I don't take it for granted.  It is small, yet it is everything. 

 Maybe this sentimental post comes on the edge of finding out that the agency who helped with your adoptions closed down...leaving a lot of families waiting to become parents without any services but money paid for those services, leaving birth parents and expecting parents without counseling when they really need it, leaving me feeling like something changed for the worse with them along the way that they could just leave without helping these families set up the next steps for their plan to build a family.  We were grateful for the positive experience we had with their Indianapolis branch and I know our counselors were all in for the families...They too have a loss.  I just wish the high ups were all in as well.  Thoughtfully rolling this bankruptcy out with the same ethics they attempted to apply to their adoptions would have made a great deal of difference.  My gratitude this week that we have two kids through open adoption soars as families mourn their loss of this opportunity.  These moments were hard fought for and pined over for years by Mommy and Daddy, I will continue my gratitude and awe of the decisions your birth mamas made to make us all family.  I love the reminders like this moment.  Love, Mama              

Hazel wants to say... ihhihogkhjhgfvxgfttcxdvsal (yep, that's a hedge hog)

Last Day, First Day

Dear Henry, 

The growing is good, it means you're alive and thriving but it can have a way of twisting my guts up and giving me a sad little twinge that this thing where we are buddies is getting closer and closer to you building independent friendships and needing me less.  7. You're seven now.  You ended the first grade year well, at a start of third grade reading level and on point with math skills.  

Though we haven't found the right stories to create a passion for reading non-fiction, I am appreciating your passion for reading wacky, weird facts of the real world or scouring over books gathering stats and the habits and body peculiarities of natures creatures.  I'm not sure you show any sort of motivation to show your teachers or classmates the inspiring levels of knowledge and thinking skills you have but we enjoy your knowledge and learning from your independent studies.  One great example you hold on to with steal strength is the time you told us that pigeons give their babies milk.  Daddy and I were major doubters even after you continued to explain, figuring you must have something wrong there.  We gave our arguments that birds aren't mammals, they don't have breasts, they don't have hair, are you sure about that buddy?  I launched a google search and sure enough...pigeons do feed their young a milk like nutrient rich secretion they make in their crop.  You told us.  It only took us a couple of more times to understand that you know exactly what you are talking about.  Your 5th grade reading buddy told me she also tries to get you to read stories but you stick to any and all nonfiction, but she has learned a lot.  This year, 2nd grade started up on August 8th.  You made your sign for your first day picture, we bought supplies, chose and laid out your clothes for day 1.  Without a hitch you went to bed and got up and got ready to head off to school.  I appreciate that, I mean REALLY appreciate that ease at which you get going in the mornings, such maturity there. 

Daddy, Hazel and I took you in for your first day, our school encourages it, another thing to be grateful for.  Your school. The best fit for you and I feel sad for all of the families on the waiting list with such hope that they could get in, and we are there!  You found your cubby, scoped out your sitting spots on the floor and founds some friends to dig into some activities with.  The chime rings calling all the 1st and 2nd graders to their circle spots and the wet eyed parents leave to allow the first day of learning to ensue.  It doesn't pass me that I was chosen to do this.  

I was chosen to have this moment with you, with Daddy. That at one time I didn't think I would have a first day with my little buddy, of any sort.  I am grateful for how we became your parents because it creates a deep gratitude for the smallest of moments.  I love you buddy, and will miss you while you're gone during the day, but am certain you are in safe hearts and minds. 

Love, Mama 

1st of 1st

Hey there 1st grader,  
Today was your first day of 1st grade!  The week before you were all over the place in your behavior; talking back, laughing, challenging, testing, having fun, working so hard at swim lessons, resistant, loving and SO EXCITED to start school again.  No chalkboard markers for the start of the year for you.  You had to create your own sign.  We picked out the pieces and placed them together.  

I didn't even ask you to get it this morning as you readied yourself in the speedy way a race car reaches its finish line.  We got your pictures and you wanted to include Hazel, who was less than excited to be up a bit earlier than in the past 8 weeks.  

 

We loaded up all of your supplies and pulled up with time to spare.  We all unloaded the car and entered a very excited classroom of kids and teachers entering the 1/2 classroom.  

Greeted by Ms. Alana, experiencing growing pains of her own as she leaves her newborn son to return to work...and I am so grateful she is and is teamed up by Ms. Em who will be a team full of care, concern and enthusiasm with no tricks getting past them you sure to have a sensational year.  

You played with a crew of old buds making dinosaurs attack pigs and then tossing them aside, and you had no concerns allowing little sis sit in and have a go at it took.  As we were leaving at the last chime moms and dads were standing to the side waiting to detach and leave our babies to start their newest acquisitions of knowledge, friends and experiences.  

Mommy Brook, Lily's mama, left and we caught eyes...and forever we know our stories of becoming families and forever we share the honor of being the mamas and papas to be able to see you off through your firsts, our eye catch pulled out some tears of gratitude and honor to be there in this moment.  You and Lily are next to each other in your circle spots.  

It seems like yesterday we were bringing you home.  We know you are going to have a wonderful year.  I can't wait to see you when you get home!
Love, Mama